Kronwall K.O.'s Havlat

We're almost back...

Thanks to those of you who keep coming to our site, amidst our technological difficulties and week long hangovers....we appreciate it and we will be posting more very soon....

Until then enjoy this clip of Scott Walker fucking up Aaron Ward's eye...

P.S. (damn dehydration)

Hot Minka Kelly is reportedly dating this fruitcake if you thought you had a chance (yes her middle name is Minka):

Cheerleaders get Forthright

With the massive recession we've been rocked with lately, cheerleaders across North America have had to re-organize and contemplate their roles in business and society- and through discussions with teams and their unions- decided they are best to "cut to the chase" and not to circumvent the trophies they are truly after in the guises of "sport", "competition", "sportsmanship" and "cheer":

gimme a... cock! gimme a... cock! gimme a COCK!

In actuality, the noisy hen pictured is helping to cheer on the USC Gamecocks, Div A sports team... but we can dream can't we? Now that's really no fun, why did I have to write that?

Hungary for Canadian Shoulder...

that is all.

Blast from the past: Jim Schonfield blasts "fatty donut-eating" Ref

The Rangers bench boss, Torts, was kicked out of a game against the Caps in this years Stanley Cup Playoffs and was ironically replaced by this classy fellow for game 6...

God Bless the Stanley Cup Playoffs

This post is about the Philadelphia Flyers "secret weapon", Kate Smith. How RAL is a team that becomes known as the Broadstreet Bullies and have a singer that is dragged out on the ice to sing and them to a 76-20-4 record with "America's second anthem".

When the Philadelphia Flyers hockey team played her rendition of "God Bless America" before the game on December 11, 1969, an unusual part of her career began. The team began to play the song before home games every once in a while, and the perception was the team was more successful on these occasions, so the tradition grew. She made a surprise appearance at the Flyers' home opener to perform the song in person prior to another game against the Toronto Maple Leafs on October 11, 1973, and received a tremendous reception. The Flyers won that game by a 2-0 score. She again performed the song at the Spectrum in front of a capacity crowd of 17,007 excited fans before Game 6 of the Stanley Cup Finals on May 19, 1974, at which the Flyers clinched their first of two back-to-back Stanley Cups, winning that playoff series against the Boston Bruins 4 games to 2, with Bernie Parent shutting the Bruins out 1-0 in that game. Smith also performed live at these Flyers home games: May 13, 1975, where the Flyers beat the New York Islanders by a score of 4-1 to win Game 7 of the Stanley Cup semi-finals, and on May 16, 1976, before Game 4 of the Stanley Cup finals where the Flyers lost to the Montreal Canadiens by a score of 5-3 and were swept by Les Canadiens in that series. The Flyers' record when "God Bless America" is played or sung in person stands at a remarkable 76 wins, 20 losses, and 4 ties.

Little did Philly fans, or most people in general know (to the best of my knowledge, I wasn't around in the 70's) that she also had a little gem of a song called That's Why Darkies Were Born (America's third anthem?)... now we would jump all over this as racism (nonRAL) but when you actually read the lyrics, it seems like Smith is touting the black American as an hard-working unsung heroes, at least that's how we'll interpret it.

Bellows isn't liked by these fellows...

Sorry, that's a terrible title. But it's that time of the year again where all of us north of the border tune into the Stanley Cup Playoffs and get our fill of hockey that is laden with fuller beards, unlikely heroes, checking, grinding, shot-blocking, but most importantly an increase in heckling. This clip takes us back to 1991 where the Penguins faced off against the North Stars for the cup that year, rough transcript provided below for your added pleasure. What happened to these characters you ask? Stevens drank from Lord Stanley's Cup and then as Time.com reports...

"On Jan. 22, 2000, his career sank to uncommon depths. After a game in St. Louis, police found Stevens in a seedy motel with a prostitute, her pimp, a bottle of Crown Royal, drug paraphernalia and the remnants of an eight-ball of crack. While his arrest was carried off without incident, the then New York Ranger didn't endear himself to his female companion. "I'm a crackhead, but he's a crack monster," the prostitute told police, complaining that she "couldn't get high, I was having to light his pipe so many times."

Stevens: Get off the fucking ice you faggot
Stevens: Bellows you must be really hurt
Stevens: Get off the ice
Stevens: Get off the ice you pussy(ref skates by indicating Stevens and Trottier need to calm down)
Trottier: You’re the best, you’re the fucking best
Stevens: Lay on the ice like a bitch
Trottier: You’re the fucking best, you’re a fucking superstar
Stevens: You lay on the ice…(leans closer to bellows)…lay on the ice like a broad you pussy, (Trottier in background repeatedly saying “Bellows you’re the fucking best)(Bellows flexes stick uncomfortably)
Trottier: You fuckin woman
Stevens: You’re a little fucking puke
Trottier: You got some fucking balls you little tit fucker

Ovie Keeps it Ral: from Will G.

A.O. and Mike Green playing Russian Roulette with a garage door to a house beat and the lyrics "your live's in danger"-- doesn't get any better than this. This bravery shows us more than ever why Ovechkin is going to win the Rocket Richard trophy yet again... but not necessarily why Greener should win the Norris... was he ducking off the side like a little bitch there while the emotional core of the Capitals was doing a slight neck crane to avoid decapitation? Nonetheless, the Caps keep it Ral.

RAL - Making the goalie look like Swiss cheese

Check this one from an international game, and we're not talking Stiga. This dangle makes the goalie look like Swiss Cheese: part Datsyuk, part jerkstore, all Swede Visy and matching ties. But he’s an Oilers prospect so here’s hoping that he injuries himself while penetrating one of the Sedin’s or trying to construction a Samtid with a tiny Allen key.

Unions, negative... Magic, + (for the HIV)

Magic Johnson was one of the greatest NBA players of all time, he does countless hours of charity work and is very successful business man as well, owning condos, gyms and over 300 Starbucks…oh and apparently he hates the poor. Magic went into Brooklyn years ago and started buying it up and developing it into a more livable community, and in the process he stopped hiring and paying the people in the area that need work the most, all because they are unionized. He would rather pay other less skilled people less money and not pay them health care.
“…workers have to pay $360 a month for health care for each member of their family; they are also not offered pensions, job training and other benefits offered to union workers”

He's thin too...

Seems to me that magic might be the smartest business man on the planet and also the RALest, thinking that he’d rather keep the money he earns opposed to paying it out to his employees or funding their hospital bills.

“There is nothing magic about what he does. What he does is prey upon poor people.” (you see what they've done here, is make reference to his name, in a negative context- hhhhhhhhhhha!)

It’s hard to say whether or not Magic is an unethical business man, or this story just features the voices of some upset employees, but there is one thing we can all agree on, Magic Johnson has aids…

Razor Ray Emery in Trouble with the Law again

CBC Sports reports that ex-NHL, current Atlant Mytishchi goaltender, and full time ambassador of keeping all things very ral was pulled over in his "infamous white Hummer in the Ottawa area" once again... this time for speeding over 50 km/h over the posted speed limit... the last time he was pulled over in the Razormobile (the time after he may or may not have been busted for buying rocks in the 'hood) was for a minor accident in May of 2007. In that accident "he was uninjured and [kept it ral enough to sign] autographs afterward."! We love how when he's not punching out Russian trainers trying to gently fix a ballcap on his tight 'fro or licking his lips in sweet anticipation of fighting a Francophone goalie who has never fought before (or the full time heavyweight who comes to protect him), he's rocking the pearl white Hummer around Ottawa making sure everyone who isn't on the ice even, is on their toes.

RAL – Ref packs yellow card, red card and 9 milli…

So this ref in gave a player a red card and ejected him from a soccer game, naturally the player and his teammates lost it and started rushing the referee. The ref, feeling a threat to his health, “..ran to his patrol car to get his gun after players mobbed him for showing the red-card to one of them...” (he was a cop, which makes it slightly less RAL because he had easy access to a piece, but more RAL that he would still pull it out even though their would be immediate consequences) and started squeezing off warning shots. Not surprisingly the players stopped harassing the ref and started rolling around on the ground as if they were slide tackled…

Pistolaribtrul
by hutaisij

Also RAL showing the heat you’re carrying, to the TV cameras, letting them know what you’re about.

NonRAL Man of the Week: Michael Vick takes up smoking rock in prison…

He must have, or he’s the stupidest fuck on the planet…he certainly wasn’t the best QB in the league prior to becoming public enemy #1 and going to prison for dog fighting, but now he thinks he can still “… earn as much as $10 million a year or more” and be one of the highest paid players in the league. The guy couldn’t even hit an open man 10 yards down the field and he wants 10 mil a year?!? He knows he took part in a ‘hobby’ that celebrates the killing of man’s best friend for financial gain, right? That makes him less popular then the fat kid who swims with his shirt on….he’ll be lucky to be signed by the Raiders or the Sikh-F-L (it has been labeled this due to the players making such a paltry income, they have to live with a Sikh family) with his tarnished reputation…All that prison sodomy must’ve clouded his judgment…

A-milli-ma-milli a-milli-ma-milli a-milli-ma-milli a-milli-ma-milli a-milli-ma-milli a-milli-ma-milli a-milli-ma-milli a-milli-ma-milli a-milli-ma-milli a-milli-ma-milli, yeah that's right, 10 o' those.

D. Rodman keeps it (a little too) RAL on Celeb Apprentice

I may as well come clean right off the bat and admit that I tuned into Celebrity Apprentice last night, fortunately for those out there that think that's lame, they haven't seen the aforementioned 6'8" NBA cross-dresser act as a team leader wearing <-- and getting LP'd (loser-pissed) on multiple vodka-cranberries (ordered while rubbing hands together and mumbling "another vodka cran up my ass please"- on national television) and assisting/accosting/...accompanying his hotel guests and dining with them at Tao while the likes of Clint Black, Jesse James, and some other black athlete sweat it out checking people in and out and whatnot. Dennis was good enough to show up day 2 and lay on the hotel couch (presumably very hungover) with his Ed Hardy Jacket thrown over his Ed Hardy hat and Ed Hardy sunglasses and wallow in his own shame while guests streamed past him. Long story short, his team almost won- largely on his customer service- but he was fired in front of both teams with about half the other contestants reminding him repeatedly that he has a drinking problem (he fought this with "I've won 5 NBA Championships" and something like "I'm easier to coach than M.J.") and with AA.org flashed on the screen along with the credits... maybe Rodman kept it a little too RAL... especially as his antics made others cry.

Water Hazard

This is either unRAL or keeps it so-unbelievably RAL as to make us think it doesn't at all. Who else out there has been out on the course downing a few wobbly-pops and had the urge to tinkle? How many of you with your hand up took a leak in a bush and didn't think you needed a piss resevoir disguised as a 4-iron to do so? Me too. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't use one, build it and they will come.

When you order now you get the free green towel to cover your doodad while you stealth-piss on the teebox!

Lost NHL Hockey Card: Wellen KEEPSITRAL

Not known as much for his offensive prowess on the ice as that off the ice, the younger and lesser known Dowd reportedly only laced them up once in his NHL career with the Minnesota Wild
(0 G, 0 A, -2) before moving out to L.A. to pursue an erotic film contract.

Boston Bruins need Tuukka Rask if they're to win the Cup...

"Providence Bruins goalie Tuukka Rask will not be suspended for his stick-and-milk-crate-throwing outburst after Friday night's 1-0 shootout loss to Albany at the Dunkin Donuts Center...."

On Friday, Rask was furious at referee Frederic L'Ecuyer for allowing goals by two Albany players during the shootout... on the first, the shooter appeared to lose control of the puck far off to one side of the net before scoring. Then L'Ecuyer ruled that the second shot had entered the net for the game-deciding goal. Rask argued that it hit the crossbar. The following is why the Boston Bruins need to call up the Finnish 'tender who also happens to have the league-tying lead for wins with 30 (in other words, he keeps it RAL)...

We haven't seen this kind of entertainment from a goalie since Roy and Hextall

Living up to the stereotype…

Chris Bosh is a standup guy right? He did correspondence for Leno, won an Olympic gold and spends hours and hours doing charity work in Toronto, so he can’t be that bad…can he? Well apparently he might be as he is being sued for being a “deadbeat father who broke up with his girlfriend when she was seven months pregnant, leaving her destitute and without medical care even as she fell ill” Now I’m no fancy big city lawyer, I’m just a sex model by day and ass grabber by night, but can you even be tried as a ‘deadbeat father’? Is that a legal term? And why hasn’t every NBA player been sued on account of it?

I’m not really surprised that Bosh pulled the old ditch; she lives in a different country so it’s easier to do, she wasn’t that attractive, and one time she got into it with LeBron.

And if the NBA is anything like High school, which I am assuming it is as every player in the league is more focused on social networking at halftime then listening to their coach, Chris Bosh would be the tall ugly kid in the school constantly seeking acceptance from the cooler kids, which Lebron with lats like that, certainly is. And the first rule is of acceptance is rolling with the right crew, so a crazy girlfriend who yells at the most popular guy in school every time he walks by, in your defense, is the first person you have to get rid of. And what better way to get rid of a girl then by claiming she was sleeping around, it ruins both her reputation and her self esteem!

“The complaint, which contains allegations that have not been proven in court, says Bosh contested his paternity before genetic testing determined a 99.97 per cent probability that he is Trinity’s father.”

Ride 'em cowboy! Shoot first and ask questions later, right? Right?

NonRAL: Professional Sports Slumber Parties

Majority owner George Gillett Jr. is looking to flog the Montreal Canadiens, which is worth an estimated $400-million ($320 M including pictured pj's), news that Gillett is trying to drum up interest in the team comes at a difficult time for the Canadiens on the ice (struggles). They face a crucial sequence of three games this week to try and solidify their playoff status, and accompanying financial windfall. Other teams say that it doesn't help when this is what their most highly-touted player looks like:

Gillett dressing Alexei Kovalev for the Habs Centennial Pajama Party