Kronwall K.O.'s Havlat

We're almost back...

Thanks to those of you who keep coming to our site, amidst our technological difficulties and week long hangovers....we appreciate it and we will be posting more very soon....

Until then enjoy this clip of Scott Walker fucking up Aaron Ward's eye...

Blast from the past: Jim Schonfield blasts "fatty donut-eating" Ref

The Rangers bench boss, Torts, was kicked out of a game against the Caps in this years Stanley Cup Playoffs and was ironically replaced by this classy fellow for game 6...

God Bless the Stanley Cup Playoffs

This post is about the Philadelphia Flyers "secret weapon", Kate Smith. How RAL is a team that becomes known as the Broadstreet Bullies and have a singer that is dragged out on the ice to sing and them to a 76-20-4 record with "America's second anthem".

When the Philadelphia Flyers hockey team played her rendition of "God Bless America" before the game on December 11, 1969, an unusual part of her career began. The team began to play the song before home games every once in a while, and the perception was the team was more successful on these occasions, so the tradition grew. She made a surprise appearance at the Flyers' home opener to perform the song in person prior to another game against the Toronto Maple Leafs on October 11, 1973, and received a tremendous reception. The Flyers won that game by a 2-0 score. She again performed the song at the Spectrum in front of a capacity crowd of 17,007 excited fans before Game 6 of the Stanley Cup Finals on May 19, 1974, at which the Flyers clinched their first of two back-to-back Stanley Cups, winning that playoff series against the Boston Bruins 4 games to 2, with Bernie Parent shutting the Bruins out 1-0 in that game. Smith also performed live at these Flyers home games: May 13, 1975, where the Flyers beat the New York Islanders by a score of 4-1 to win Game 7 of the Stanley Cup semi-finals, and on May 16, 1976, before Game 4 of the Stanley Cup finals where the Flyers lost to the Montreal Canadiens by a score of 5-3 and were swept by Les Canadiens in that series. The Flyers' record when "God Bless America" is played or sung in person stands at a remarkable 76 wins, 20 losses, and 4 ties.

Little did Philly fans, or most people in general know (to the best of my knowledge, I wasn't around in the 70's) that she also had a little gem of a song called That's Why Darkies Were Born (America's third anthem?)... now we would jump all over this as racism (nonRAL) but when you actually read the lyrics, it seems like Smith is touting the black American as an hard-working unsung heroes, at least that's how we'll interpret it.

Bellows isn't liked by these fellows...

Sorry, that's a terrible title. But it's that time of the year again where all of us north of the border tune into the Stanley Cup Playoffs and get our fill of hockey that is laden with fuller beards, unlikely heroes, checking, grinding, shot-blocking, but most importantly an increase in heckling. This clip takes us back to 1991 where the Penguins faced off against the North Stars for the cup that year, rough transcript provided below for your added pleasure. What happened to these characters you ask? Stevens drank from Lord Stanley's Cup and then as Time.com reports...

"On Jan. 22, 2000, his career sank to uncommon depths. After a game in St. Louis, police found Stevens in a seedy motel with a prostitute, her pimp, a bottle of Crown Royal, drug paraphernalia and the remnants of an eight-ball of crack. While his arrest was carried off without incident, the then New York Ranger didn't endear himself to his female companion. "I'm a crackhead, but he's a crack monster," the prostitute told police, complaining that she "couldn't get high, I was having to light his pipe so many times."

Stevens: Get off the fucking ice you faggot
Stevens: Bellows you must be really hurt
Stevens: Get off the ice
Stevens: Get off the ice you pussy(ref skates by indicating Stevens and Trottier need to calm down)
Trottier: You’re the best, you’re the fucking best
Stevens: Lay on the ice like a bitch
Trottier: You’re the fucking best, you’re a fucking superstar
Stevens: You lay on the ice…(leans closer to bellows)…lay on the ice like a broad you pussy, (Trottier in background repeatedly saying “Bellows you’re the fucking best)(Bellows flexes stick uncomfortably)
Trottier: You fuckin woman
Stevens: You’re a little fucking puke
Trottier: You got some fucking balls you little tit fucker

Ovie Keeps it Ral: from Will G.

A.O. and Mike Green playing Russian Roulette with a garage door to a house beat and the lyrics "your live's in danger"-- doesn't get any better than this. This bravery shows us more than ever why Ovechkin is going to win the Rocket Richard trophy yet again... but not necessarily why Greener should win the Norris... was he ducking off the side like a little bitch there while the emotional core of the Capitals was doing a slight neck crane to avoid decapitation? Nonetheless, the Caps keep it Ral.

Razor Ray Emery in Trouble with the Law again

CBC Sports reports that ex-NHL, current Atlant Mytishchi goaltender, and full time ambassador of keeping all things very ral was pulled over in his "infamous white Hummer in the Ottawa area" once again... this time for speeding over 50 km/h over the posted speed limit... the last time he was pulled over in the Razormobile (the time after he may or may not have been busted for buying rocks in the 'hood) was for a minor accident in May of 2007. In that accident "he was uninjured and [kept it ral enough to sign] autographs afterward."! We love how when he's not punching out Russian trainers trying to gently fix a ballcap on his tight 'fro or licking his lips in sweet anticipation of fighting a Francophone goalie who has never fought before (or the full time heavyweight who comes to protect him), he's rocking the pearl white Hummer around Ottawa making sure everyone who isn't on the ice even, is on their toes.

Flames Fanatic goes beyond Keeping It Real...

From Globe and Mail Sports...

"COLUMBUS, Ohio — Police say a passionate hockey fan made physical threats against the Columbus Blue Jackets in a series of phone calls to the team's arena during a game.
Columbus Police Sgt. Rick Weiner says 52-year-old Peter Stenzel was arrested Thursday and charged with inducing panic for threatening physical harm against the team during their win over the Calgary Flames. Weiner says police traced the phone calls to Stenzel's Columbus home, where they found him wearing a Flames T-shirt. Police would not say if specific players were targeted or what the threats entailed."

We're picturing buddy looking something like:

Maybe not:

What a beauty, we love when a fan shows that kind of passion, especially in the opposing team's rink and/or city. There is a lot left to the imagination here, so we're gonna say he phoned up the Blue Jackets dressing room and requested Rick Nash "I'm gonna slit your throat punk" "Uhhh who is this?" "Don't worry about that, just know that you're a dead man. Is the invisible man there?" "Excuse me, who?" "That tall fairy, Huselius. Is he there? I'm going to douse his house in kerosene and burn it down with his family inside. You guys going to make the playoffs for the first time in history? Not if you're all DEAD ha ha ha ha..." *click*

Lost NHL Hockey Card: Wellen KEEPSITRAL

Not known as much for his offensive prowess on the ice as that off the ice, the younger and lesser known Dowd reportedly only laced them up once in his NHL career with the Minnesota Wild
(0 G, 0 A, -2) before moving out to L.A. to pursue an erotic film contract.

Boston Bruins need Tuukka Rask if they're to win the Cup...

"Providence Bruins goalie Tuukka Rask will not be suspended for his stick-and-milk-crate-throwing outburst after Friday night's 1-0 shootout loss to Albany at the Dunkin Donuts Center...."

On Friday, Rask was furious at referee Frederic L'Ecuyer for allowing goals by two Albany players during the shootout... on the first, the shooter appeared to lose control of the puck far off to one side of the net before scoring. Then L'Ecuyer ruled that the second shot had entered the net for the game-deciding goal. Rask argued that it hit the crossbar. The following is why the Boston Bruins need to call up the Finnish 'tender who also happens to have the league-tying lead for wins with 30 (in other words, he keeps it RAL)...

We haven't seen this kind of entertainment from a goalie since Roy and Hextall

NonRAL: Professional Sports Slumber Parties

Majority owner George Gillett Jr. is looking to flog the Montreal Canadiens, which is worth an estimated $400-million ($320 M including pictured pj's), news that Gillett is trying to drum up interest in the team comes at a difficult time for the Canadiens on the ice (struggles). They face a crucial sequence of three games this week to try and solidify their playoff status, and accompanying financial windfall. Other teams say that it doesn't help when this is what their most highly-touted player looks like:

Gillett dressing Alexei Kovalev for the Habs Centennial Pajama Party

Philly fans - RALest in North America

As you can probably tell we at ikeepsitral we appreciate sports in a major way, one could even say that we are sports fans to the furthest extent. And seeing how this is the best time of year to be a sports fan, March Madness, end of NHL and NBA seasons, MLB starting up, WBC, we thought we'd tribute those that makes sports what they are....the fans!

Your shit is weak...

Some fans cheer for casually one team, others drift year to year and some of us live and die by the performances of their teams. This couldn't be more true then fans from Philadelphia. Philly fans are incredibly involved in all of their teams, selling out stadiums (supporting 4 franchises with a population of 1.4 million), purchasing merchandise and being known as some of the most vocal fans of all time.

They cheered when Michael Irvin had to be carried off in a stretcher due to a broken neck, they booed Santa, threw snowballs at children performing at half time, throw batteries at the opposition and most importantly boo their own teams when they aren't performing up to their standards. During one lull in their teams performances the citizens of Philadelphia sarcastically voted 'Rocky' as the best athlete in the history of the city...when he wasn't on the ballot, he had to be written in. It was widely known that Allen Iverson was the only player they wouldn't boo, until he was traded and is now booed mercilessly whenever he touches the ball. So for knowing what they want every year out of their teams (a championship) and voicing their displeasure when they don't receive, they achieve the status as RALest fans in North America.

Cheering erupted throughout the stadium with hopes Irvin wouldn't walk again

Oh yeah and they throw bottles as well...



Crack a bottle, let your body waddle...

Al Iafrate = RAL

Al Iafrate was known for having one of the hardest shots in the history of the NHL and also one of the sweetest skullet comb overs known to man (see below). Those are both strong contributing factors to his RALness, but it was his comments after a game in 1994, asking why he had fired the puck into the corner rather than into an empty net that cemented it. His simple reply?
"Empty-net goals are for faggots."

RAL

Happy Friday: Wendel Clark 'All Heart'

How else to start the weekend than an inspiring hockey montage? This Friday brings a video of a Saskatchewan farmboy who's middle name is Ikeepsitral: Wendel Clark. From his 1984 World Junior's knockout bodycheck on a Czech player (and Gold Medal tying goal in the same game- he also managed to play defence and forward) to his beatdown of Marty McSorley in defence of Doug Gilmour, this was one clutch guy. Wendel- nicknamed Captain Crunch- took on many more of the league's heavyweights ("Craig Berube, Bob Probert, Cam Neely, Rick Tocchet, Mark Tinordi, Garth Butcher, Marty McSorley, Mike Peluso, John Kordic, and of course the not so epic fight with retreating frog Denis Savard") as well as scoring big goals and hammering everything in sight (including goaltenders). At 5'11" and barely 200 lbs, Clark wasn't the biggest contender but was no shrinking violet, he almost makes one wish they were a Leaf fan in that era (well, let's not get carried away). Some trivia: Wendel Clark holds the record for the longest span between NHL All-Star game appearances, with 13 years (1986–1999) and along with one-time Leafs teammate Mike Gartner, neither player won the Stanley Cup, played in the Cup finals, won an NHL award, or was named to a postseason All-Star Team. Not really something you want to brag about but kept it RAL to the fullest nonetheless (just stuck on a shitty franchise). Take note at 3:13 of the full-straddle punchout, and turn it up!

Submission: from DVDA

Dan really liked the bit about NHL fighter Bobby Probert and he thought we should include a clip of Wade Belak's TKO of Donald Brashear last night. I couldn't find a nickname of Belak anywhere on the web, but we'll go with the Albino Rhino...

RAL Sports - Bob "Probie" Probert

Every Mondy, Ikeepsitral will feature a new sports figure who keepsitral. This week... Bob Probert. Widely known as being one of the best, if not the best fighter and enforcer to ever play hockey, in 16 NHL seasons he fought 285 NHL fights with a record of 176-50-59 and many enforcers considered him the toughest and most feared fighter in the NHL and with an un-matched penchant for running the goaltender. He also kept it RAL off the ice, in 1989 he was arrested for cocaine possession while crossing the Detroit-Windsor border. He served three months in a federal prison in Minnesota, three more months in a halfway house, and was indefinitely suspended from the NHL. While playing for the Detroit Red Wings in the 1980s and early '90s, Probert served a prison term when he was caught trying to carry cocaine into the United States from Canada. He also had an alchohol problem and was charged with numerous driving offences. Probert was placed on inactive status for the 1994-95 season after he was involved in a motorcycle accident and tests showed alcohol and cocaine in his system. In 2004 Delray Beach police officers spotted Probert as he parked his white BMW sport utility vehicle the wrong way on a downtown side street and began hanging out of his window to yell at several men just before 1 a.m., officers said. Four officers intervened when Probert, a native of Windsor, Ont., got out of the car and tried to start a fight with one of the men. He then fought with the officers and refused their orders to drop to the ground, the report said. As two of the officers struggled to handcuff Probert, one officer shot him with a Taser gun and he fell backward. But Probert resisted their efforts when they tried to handcuff him, so the cop used the Taser to stun Probert several more times. The gun shoots barbed probes that give the recipient a usually non-lethal but incapacitating shock. After Probert was shocked, officers handcuffed him and took him into custody. "He was so combative in our jail that we didn't take a booking photo of him because we didn't want to struggle with him again out of handcuffs," police spokesman Jeff Messer said. Probie lives the RAL lifestyle to the fullest.

Probie Wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob_Probert

MacTavish

Also Ral as he was the last player to ever go helmetless

MacTavish missed the 1984–85 season after being convicted of vehicular homicide, having struck and killed a young woman while he was driving under the influence of alcohol. MacTavish pleaded guilty to vehicular homicide and driving under the influence of alcohol in an accident the night of January 25, 1984 in Peabody, MA. MacTavish spent a year in jail as punishment for this offence. While incarcerated, he did manage to watch most of the games that were televised. After MacTavish was released from prison, the Bruins, feeling he deserved a fresh start, subsequently offered to let him out of his contract. MacTavish accepted.