We should take legal action

So a few months ago we changed into an adult 'humor' comic site, as it was easier to produce and all of the twisted ideas inside my head seem far less harmless when they are in comic form. Anyway one of the comics we made involved a parody of Rick Springfield's classic song 'Jesse's Girl'. Well if it wasn't one month later with this video surfaces on a humor site owned by Will Ferrel, take a look for yourself, but I'm pretty sure we'd have a case here:

Jessies Girl, Sherrie - watch more funny videos

Note the anger Jesse feels towards Rick and the creep stare/crotch rub. The last part isn't featured in our comic, it's just really arousing...

Differences

Got Legs?

Farewell Tour

Walk in...

Taxi

Is This Legal?

Poker?

Another! I think this is what you call a streak

Marisa in the bath...

Because no matter how hard we try we can't get away from that good ol' smut material, especially when it looks like this...

An Original Cartoon from IKIR

We decided writing was too hard on our gin-soaked brains, so we've gone into the comic industry. This was the first one that was not XXX, hope you enjoy:

RAL watercraft: from Aly R.

It is the biggest private yacht in existence and comes with a missile-detection system, two helipads, a luxury spa, swimming pool and a miniature submarine. But when you're Russian oligarch Roman Abramovich, only the most ostentatious displays of wealth will do. His latest baby is the Eclipse, a 557-footer reported to have cost a staggering £300million. To keep the oligarch safe, the Eclipse has a military-grade missile defence system, armour-plating around Abramovich's master suite and bullet-proof windows. There is also a private submarine, which doubles as an escape pod. The project has been shrouded in such secrecy that at one point the shipbuilders would only say that a yacht called Eclipse was being built somewhere in Germany. Needless to say, they would not confirm who had bought it. But there is little doubt that 40-year-old Abramovich who already owns four luxury vessels, is the proud owner. According to industry experts, the Eclipse has been specifically designed to overshadow the world's current largest private yacht, a 525-footer owned by Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum, the ruler of Dubai. Abramovich's new toy is due to be delivered in 2010 and will join the rest of his fleet. None of his ships - the Pelorus (377ft), the Ecstasea ( 282ft) and the Sussurro (161ft) - are insubstantial but the Eclipse will dwarf them all. The oil magnate, who is the 11th richest man in the world according to Forbes, uses his yachts for very specific purposes. Originally built for a Saudi sheikh, the Pelorus is used for entertaining and boasts room for 22 guests and 40 staff. It has two helipads, an indoor pool and a steam room. He uses the Ecstasea, which comes complete with Chinese-themed interior, for cruising and the Sussuro for short journeys and to loan to friends. Annual overhead for the boats is more than £15million, and it costs him £73,000 just to fill up the tanks of his current largest boat, Pelorus. The son of Jewish parents, Abramovich began his business career selling plastic ducks from a grim Moscow apartment but, within a few years, his vast wealth spread from oil conglomerates to pig farms. Russia's richest man has flourished under president Vladimir Putin, with critics saying he used his government ties to take over former state-owned assests and reap the profits for personal use. Outside of Russia, the 41-year-old is known as owner of the Chelsea Football Club. He is also known to entertain players and British financiers on his yachts. Abramovich reportedly lost up to £13billion in the global financial crisis, but he was already in the process of having his biggest-ever yacht built.

She has legs too!?

Eva Longoria setting the bar for 34 year-old tush

These celeb sites think they're so sneaky snapping pics of celebrities when they don't know it. I guess that makes IKIR the pirates of the Sleazy Sea stealing their treasure for free... and me Jack Sparrow!

Chaos Reigned... or did it Rein???

If you came here for equestrian porn, this picture is all you're gettin'.

WELLINGTON, New Zealand - Stewards took more than 30 minutes to unravel bizarre events surrounding the maiden steeplechase at the Canterbury Jockey Club's meeting before declaring Nana the winner by an extraordinary 128 lengths. Nana was the only horse to complete the course without falling and by jumping every fence. Five horses fell, two jockeys broke collarbones and one horse was treated for stress. What's His Name was running fifth in the home straight but finished second when three horses fell at the last fence: Mala Strana and About Time were vying for second when they both crashed and Son of the Oak inherited second place until it also went down at the last. About Time's jockey remounted his horse and finished third. Jockey George Strickland, who had started the race on Mala Strana, remounted Ice Pack which had fallen earlier in the race and claimed fourth place but was disqualified. "That was a bit weird," steward Stewart Ching said of Strickland's swap. "We are not sure why that happened. It added to the confusion." "It was one of the more bizarre races I have to deal with." Not as bizarre as one of those horses having the same name as I went by in High School... "What's His Name". That has to be up there with Hoof Hearted, Couch Won't Miss Ya, Bye Bye Boredom, and the greatest racehorse name of all time, Snubbin' Pubbin'.

the end.

Transformers 2 Sneak Peak...

Give this a one-star rating and I will end you.

The Equalizer

One of our female readers gave Megan Fox a one star out of 5 for the latest pics and said that she's been getting too much attention and that someone more "naturally beautiful" like Gisele Bundchen should get some face time... good enough excuse for me:

Stampede anyone?

An Oldie: Rap Battle Translated

RALest Mashup ever?

Ciara's rump because that's all I got in me today...

Our Sincerest Apologies

...As I cannot believe that we hadn't posted this earlier for your viewing pleasure. Please rate this video and come back with a better "Thug Workout"... if you can. Cuz what keeps it RAL like a shirtless fuckin' workout right there on the street/a child's playground?

Eddies: Other Winners!

2009 Big Rock Eddies: 2nd Place Video Winner



2009 Big Rock Eddies: 1st Place Video Winner

Meg Fox does her thing for GQ...

Facebook ads starting to keep it RAL

Who does not want to go to the University of Andy? You get a hot blond in a pink shirt that shows off her knockers to greet you. You figure out how to pluck some virginity's, get rich quick, and snipe people with bow and arrows! Are there any life skills left untouched at this fine institution? Thank you Facebook for coming to your senses in terms of who and what can be advertised!

Lady Gaga = RAL or RALGA if you will

What I think my associate was trying to say was that Lady Gaga don't give the closest thing to a fuck....or at least she pretends to. I had the privlage of seeing "her" before live at the NKOTB concert last year, and yeah I went to an NKOTB concert, a less RAL man would've never admitted it....anyway while watching her live show I was convinced that a prominent dong was going to fall out of her panties at any moment while she waved her had in front of her face, so no one could read her po-pok-poker face....she is often caught on the town in underwear and goes out of her way to be sexual, oh and she recently admitted that she would like to have a 4 some with the Jonas Brothers, which I thought was a creative way to tell the world you're bisexual....

Her name originated from the queen song "Radio Gaga", which is fitting because she and Freddie Mercury both slept with people of the same gender....and sooner then later she'll get HIV

Also she's 23 years old....and used to be an exotic dancer. So either Lady Gaga is the greatest actress of all time or she truly doesn't give a fuck about what anyone thinks....or she is smuggling a dink and it's just acting normal for a guy

Who was that girl pole dancing in the kitchen you ask?

23 year old (I know, some of her must be like 54) Kendra Wilkinson met Hugh Hefner at his 78th birthday party in April 2004, where she was hired to be one of the "painted girls" (women who are nude except for painted-on accessories). Hefner had apparently seen her picture, shot by photographer Kim Riley, on a fax machine at the Playboy Mansion and wanted to know who she was. Shortly after they met, Hefner asked Wilkinson to be one of his girlfriends and he moved her into the Playboy Mansion along with her dogs Raskal and Martini.

The Newest in Kitchen Reno's

Big Rock Ad

You didn't like that black box post? Why not? Big Rock Brewery has once again come to my rescue as they must have heard me screaming down Glenmore that my video embed code wasn't working from the Calgary Herald and literally posted this video as I was searching for it. Anyhow, it is the 3rd place Winner of the 2009 Big Rock Eddies, and the best one of this years entries in my mind: snowboarding accident, hot nurse, cold Trad delivered intravenously- a winning trifecta in most people's books. I went to this years Eddies (dress: Classic Hollywood) in capri sweatpants, a wife-beater, and a Hawaiian shirt that would make Don Ho blush, and they were phenomenal, highly recommended to beer and commercial enthusiasts. Enjoy this entry and others...

European: RAL vs. nonRAL

RAL: being a Danish-Norwegian dance-pop group that doesn't give a rip what anyone thinks about you and sounding great while doing it.

SWEET-ASS VID

nonRAL: being a European soccer puff that can't take/throw a real headbutt.

Really Catchy Song!

Our apologies for the annoying visuals that accompany:

Stand up if you hate Man U....

http://www.cnn.com/2009/SPORT/05/28/nigeria.death.united.barcelona/index.html

Some people, myself included, love sport. Their lives are consumed by it, watching it, talking about it, reading about it and every so often trying to have sex with it…anyway when you are that into something it hurts when your favorite team/player/set of busty cheerleaders lose and you no longer have anything to watch or believe in. Some people react differently in this scenario as even the strongest men in the world have been know to cry, Hulk Smash whichever object is closest to them, stop updating their blog for a month, or get filled with blood lust…

It seems a little over the top I know, but that’s exactly what this guy in Nigeria did after watching his beloved Manchester United lose to Barcelona yesterday for some soccer championship I’m sure none of our readers care about…

"He was displaying his anger at his team losing the match. The driver had passed the crowd then made a U-turn and ran into them,"

You're cheering for Man U. in the comfort of your own home?!?!? I WILL KILL YOU!

And he killed 4 people while doing so…most sites would label this guy a ruthless murderer, which he is, but they would also be overlooking the RALness of his actions. Driving into the crowd wasn’t a reaction, he drove past them, said to himself “Nah, fuck that no one cheers for the team they love in front of me, do they know who I am? I drive the minibus!?!?!” made the effort to turn around and of course drive into them.

If soccer fans are anything like the athletes that participate in the sport, all the guy had to do was drive by slowly and they all would’ve acted like they got hit by 10 buses anyway…would’ve saved him the anal pounding he’s about the receive in prison…unless that was his goal all along, then well done

“Guess who’s bizack, back on the block for you hoes, Face Mob, Mack Mittens and Hov…”

Truer words have never been spoken, as I stumbled upon two news stories that forced me out of retirement, and am “back on the block for you hoes”, whatever that means….

Stay tuned

Kronwall K.O.'s Havlat

5 Alabama police officers fired over [kick-ass RAL] beating (from James W.)

Click.

Minka in the Park!

We are shamelessly a pure smut blog now... one of our editors has gone down with the longest hangover this side of Koh Phangan and has left me and my sweaty palms with far too much time and power. I've effectively started to drain the site of any humor or originality in a twisted bid to quicken him in the fight against the bottle and to return to contribute once again... I leave you with a TV actress stretching in the park and listening to Flo Rida on her iPod (I can only presume). Thankfully for her hamstrings and your twisted mind, that position doesn't leave as much to the mind as most.

Miss Pink Panties keeps the crown

Donald Trump, the king of almost all, has proclaimed that the new queen of cotton is to keep her crown despite a post a few back where we broke the hideous and unappealing news of her shirtless, voluptuous, scandal...

Jessica Biel for obvious reasons

Rihanna one-ups Miss Cali!

If you don't live under a rock, you'd have heard by this time that someone has released nudie pics of Rihanna sans clothes, shoes, and um-brella-ella-ella-eh? eh? eh? Chris Brown has had more than a few fingers pointed at him and some are even claming they're fakes... what's your call? Click here for 'em (NSFW)

Little Miss Pink Panties err California

Causing controversy again, this time with pink panties and no bra to match instead of saying no gays allowed in the treefort that is America

We're almost back...

Thanks to those of you who keep coming to our site, amidst our technological difficulties and week long hangovers....we appreciate it and we will be posting more very soon....

Until then enjoy this clip of Scott Walker fucking up Aaron Ward's eye...

Kiefer keepsitral with black-tie HEADBUTT

I found this picture on a celebrity blog site and was going to shamelessly lift their picture and come up with a witty story about Kiefer keeping it realer than real but they did it to such a tea, tee, t? That I'm going to plagerize near the whole damn thing. "While attending a Met Gala after-party Monday night, Kiefer Sutherland headbutted a fashion designer in an alleged effort to defend Brooke Shield's honor. -- And also because whiskey's delicious. (Hahaha see? You can't top that for a funny little remark) TMZ reports: We're told witnesses say the alleged victim -- Proenza Schouler designer Jack McCollough -- allegedly knocked Brooke Shields over and Kiefer saw it happen. The witnesses say Kiefer went over to the man and told him to apologize to her. At that point they say McCollough pushed Kiefer and the actor responded with a headbutt. Complicating it for Kiefer -- he's on probation in L.A. for a DUI, and one of the terms is that he obey all laws (RAL). No word on whether L.A. prosecutors will pursue the matter. I love how Kiefer Sutherland plays the smart, resourceful Jack Bauer on TV, but in real life, I wouldn't trust him to guard the last donut at work. Unless I wanted all the sprinkles headbutted off, then maybe." (you see!? funny!)

P.S. (damn dehydration)

Hot Minka Kelly is reportedly dating this fruitcake if you thought you had a chance (yes her middle name is Minka):

Hot Filler

We at IKEEPSITRAL.com (or I.K.I.R. for short)- now at ikeepsitral.blogspot.com until we iron out some wrinkles, shut up- have hit a bit of a temporary low. Namely the NHL playoffs [and a short run by the hometeam Flames] have left us hungover and dry (in terms of ideas, and even literally- requiring a litre of pedialyte a day or more). Anyways, what does this mean for you? It means we surf other blogs (mostly girly celeb blogs) for hot pics of hot chicks and throw them on here, 'cause they takes less effort and need for rehydration. Anyways that's how these came about, we don't have our own paparazzi... yet. The following are a couple new photos of Friday Night Lights star Minka Kelly doing boring stuff around L.A., better known for posing in some magazine in her 70's style gym socks (see below) some time ago, that made me completely reconsider gym strip. This hot piece is one-half product of an Aerosmith guitarist- no don't get excited not Joe Perry- that guy that no one except Steven Tyler remembers, Rick Dufay. Back to Minka, she's 28 and has a AAA rack of lamb so if you enjoy delights of the visual kind, dig in while we reload on electrolytes.

P.S. if you like this dame's proportions, she's a 34-24-33. How do we know that? Perhaps the ultimate in creeper sites (outside of Facebook)- www.chickipedia.com (please still visit this one).

U.S. Ammo a Hot Commodity

According to CNN, "...gun shops across the country are reporting a run on ammunition, a phenomenon apparently driven by fear that the Obama administration will increase taxes on bullets or enact new gun-control measures." Never mind threat of the commies, or Iranians, or North Koreans, American gun-toters are now worried about the black, er liberal President they elected and that he and his government may make some changes that would make the stockpiling of thousands of rounds of man and armor-piercing ammunition more than necessary.

Damn...you're purdy

I guess a positive side-effect is that foreign aggressors that would have thought twice about attacking the U.S. (or God-forbid invading them) before this phenomenon, would now think 3 times, or 4 or 5 even (see picture).

It's So Reeeeeal

... that it doesn't even attempt to make Sammy Sosa not sound like a new immigrant hawking a microwaveable taco, or someone with a severe speach impediment or mental handicap. Nonetheless, how many of you wanted to put away your 09 sports game and give this one a crack after seeing this gem of a trailer?

... cont'd (I guess?)

buy this.

Transformers 2!

So according to this trailer which I just watched on mute, there's a new movie (a sequel?) coming out about a hot, hot girl who gets changed in some kind of garden while some fellow she seems to know talk to a heap of metal in a shed? After I rewound to watch her slip her jacket off and into her white dress some 40 or 50 times I realized the producers of this film have also added a bunch of filler such as comet-like projectiles striking the earth and many robots having a king-of-the-ring ninja fight in a forest, such shameless attempts at gaining viewership! Back to the guts of the movie... we can only hope that the plot won't focus on these silly 'robot battles' for long and will be as thick and twisting as in the first movie. As such we hope it will show the aforementioned damsel pressing her hot body seductively onto a 2000 cc motorcycle, her sweet sweat sticking just so to the leather and a good length of her thigh and ass to show between the knee high leather boots and cut-off denim shorts, her dark hair falling in waves upon her sculpted shoulders... and it looks like there's hope.

New Look for May

Let us know what you think... and leave a rating!

Got some teeth....

Have you ever been going down on a girl and thought it was a little fishy, and thought there was no way it could get any worse? Well imagine if she had teeth, and by that I mean imagine that her vagina had teeth and could bite off your shvonson...That's exactly what the writers of this future academy award winner did...just take a look



So after seeing this trailer I have to ask, are all Gyno's this smooth, "I won't bite" I'm sure that's the kind of non sexual advance all women want to hear before they are penetrated by a latex glove...I know if I heard my doctor say that to me before I got a prostate exam I wouldn't sleep right for weeks and would sue for malpractice...lowlight of the trailer has to be the tagline "Every rose has it's thorns" for insinuating that a vagina is a rose and not the most powerful weapon of all time against men and Lynds Lohan...additionally this movie should be shown in sex ed classes to highlight the value of anal and introduces a whole new and sexual meaning of the phrase, I will punch your teeth out (with my dong)...imagine this broad rolling into the orthodontists office, requiring a set of uppers and lowers? It would make it far more interesting when one claimed they had something 'stuck in their braces'...

Radio Shack employee

Have you every worked in Retail? It sucks...the customer is 'always right', but in reality, they are usually stupid fuck ups who want things done their way and can't understand when it doesn't happen...

Customer: Hi yeah I'd like to return this blouse...I never wore it
Me: If you didn't wear it, then where are the tags?
Customer: Oh they fell off...
Me: So the tags that were fastened to the shirt, they survived being shipped all the way from fucking China, but managed to fall off when you left the store
Customer: Yeah
Me: Ok, whatever, but it still looks like it's been worn....look there's a stain on it...what is this?
Customer: That was on the shirt
Me: No, I'm pretty sure it's jizz, it's white and certainly smells of passion
Customer: WHAT?!? no that's not what it is, it must've happend in the store
Me: Listen lady, it looks like jizz, smells like jizz and certainly tastes like jizz, so don't bullshit a bullshitter, ok?
Customer: I want to talk to a manager (And that's how I got fired)

Anyway this scenario seems to be quite common and this employee at Radio Shack had enough...
"a customer was trying to return an item Sunday. But the employee said no. The customer then requested to speak to a manager. "That's when the 52-year-old male employee began punching the man"

Free face punches with all returns...ass grabs with all purchases

At least the employee didn't promise the customer anything and then not deliver, then it might have made the news...

You didn't have the special two weeks ago neither....

There is a well known stereotype out there that people of African descent tend to like fried chicken. We always take stereotypes with a grain of salt, as you should too, because they are usually based on factual information and blown way of proportion. I for example am half Italian, but I do not secrete olive oil or Garlic and have never had to do a thing for a guy. However, as this video shows, it's not a stereotype when it's true:



Hard to believe that people drove and took cabs across the state, to receive discounted chicken...and were outraged when it wasn't delivered...I've never wanted something on sale so badly that I would go out of my way to save 4 buck, but I wasn't genetically dispositioned to enjoy something this much...Best part of the video has to be the fact that Popeye's advertised the sale as a "Payday Sale", encouraging customers who just received their pay checks for the past two weeks to come in and buy chicken...

A little known stereotype apparently, is that people of this decent closely follow Irish folklore, but no one is certain as to why?



And like Bub Rub and Lil Sis...there is a REMIX

Cheerleaders get Forthright

With the massive recession we've been rocked with lately, cheerleaders across North America have had to re-organize and contemplate their roles in business and society- and through discussions with teams and their unions- decided they are best to "cut to the chase" and not to circumvent the trophies they are truly after in the guises of "sport", "competition", "sportsmanship" and "cheer":

gimme a... cock! gimme a... cock! gimme a COCK!

In actuality, the noisy hen pictured is helping to cheer on the USC Gamecocks, Div A sports team... but we can dream can't we? Now that's really no fun, why did I have to write that?

Video gaming gets far too real...

A 28 year old man has shot and killed a 24 year old in Chicago when a heated game of Call of Duty went sour. The girlfriend of the latter showed up on the scene and found the game still running, the victim still clutching the controller and with a shotgun wound in the back of his head [and, we can only assume, nerds chirping the "newbie" for his lack of attacking or even moving for that matter, coming through the television set]. While these actions are inexcusable I do vividly recall tomahawking a Sega controller (one of those special ones for small hands and extra buttons to boot!) into a TV screen and turning the just-finished upset beating of Bob Probert at the hands of little Darren Turcotte into the real life version, tears streaming down my upset young face... did this just become a post on NHL 93 for Sega Genesis? IKEEPSITRAL.

Miller would have quite a poker hand with all that Ace...