I usually cry after I have to use a fake one too...

So this fucking loser might be up for nonRAL man of all time. He is a liquor store shoplifter, turned liquor store holdup gunman, turned six year old girl….Apparently he went into a liquor store and tried to lift a bottle of Hennessy, got caught and got held in by the store owner who locked the magnetic door. Then buddy gets RAL and pulls a piece on the shop owner, although a RAL man would’ve done that in the first place and gone for the cash opposed to the $60 bottle of cognac…anyway the owner realized it wasn’t a real gun and basically told the guy to fuck off by not unlocking the door (RAL) and buddy went into a corner and started to cry.

“Police said the suspect threw away the gun, slumped to the floor and was crying when officers arrived to arrest him.”

Artists depiction of crying fag who doesn't own a real gun

This guy is such a piece of shit, who brings a gun to a liquor store without the intention of holding the place up? And after you pull out a gun you’d better sell it hard that it is a real gun, by waving it around and saying that you’re going to kill the guy…and finally after you get caught in the lie and the owner realizes the gun isn’t real you’d better beat his ass or do something to try an get away, you already doing some sort of time for fake holding the place up, might as well do everything in your power to get away…but instead this guy cried…making him the nonRAL man of the week and early candidate for nonRAL man of the year.

Priests add theft to laundry list of criminal offences

Priests have a shitty life, they can’t have sex, they have to wear cloaks and their lives revolve around some guy who hangs out on a ‘t’, Jebus or something…anyway these two priests were tired of living their modest lifestyles and decided to embezzle 8 Mil out of the church.

“John Skehan and Francis Guinan were accused in 2006 of skimming money from collection plates and bequests at their church in Delray Beach, Florida, and spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on real estate, travel, rare coins (What? Why?) and girlfriends.”

Take, thy Father, into thy mouth son

Seems to me that these guys had it figured out; they had very low living expenses and no real need for excess, but decided they could get it so fuck it why not? And they also figured out that they were 64 and 79 respectively upon arrest and that copious amount of money and lavish goods and vacations are necessary at that age to pick up skanks. The one thing they didn’t know though is that unless you are trying to impress 12 year old boys, rare coins won’t get you anywhere…oh wait. At least in jail they will be the Alter boys for a change….

Swiss James Bond imposter sleeps with BMW heiress; cleans her out of £6.4 Million

this is the hand she was eating out of your honor

A Swiss man has been jailed for six years for keeping it too ral and defrauding Germany's richest woman out of millions of euros and attempting to blackmail her. Helg Sgarbi, dubbed the Swiss Gigolo by the media, sought to blackmail Germany's richest woman by claiming to possess a tape of her having sex with him in a hotel room. He described himself as a“Special Swiss representative in crisis zones” and has not said where the money he received is being kept or what happened to the alleged sex video but we're guessing there might have been a Dirty Sanchez involved. He was also described as a specialist in mergers and acquisitions in a glowing job reference from Credit Suisse, read out in court. He is said to have not spoken about the cases since his arrest "out of respect to the ladies concerned"- now that's a spy-posing gigolo who keeps it ral. Predictably, none of his victims were in court [because they would have melted and given him another 10 M Euros]. "The reclusive 46-year-old mother-of-three handed the money to him in a cardboard box in the basement of a Holiday Inn hotel in Munich. He later asked her to put a 290M euros in a trust fund for him, which he said would enable them to start a new life together, but she refused to do so. Mrs Klatten said he then threatened to make public a tape he had secretly made of them having sex in a Munich hotel room if he did not receive another 49M euros, a figure he later reduced to 14M. Klatten was one of a string of Sgarbi's alleged victims across Europe, who included the wealthy Countess Verena du Pasquier-Geubels, reported to be around 50 years his senior." Nailing countesses 50 years older? Did we mention Helg keeps it ral?